The 5 things Google should kill next

Their time has come.

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Google

Google is a stone-cold killer. A virtual Keanu Reeves/John Wick or Chow Yun-fat/Ah Jong of death-dealing, wiping out failing products left and right.

Just last week Google killed Inbox, goo.gl, and Google+. Per Killed By Google’s count (yes, that’s a real website), Google has smothered no fewer than 158 of its own children, easily making it one of the most prolific and family-unfriendly assassins around. For all we know, sweet old Auntie Gmail will be next.

In honor of Google’s erstwhile “don’t be evil” motto (which Google killed about a year ago, actually), I think it’s time to use Google’s natural ability for good. So here’s my list of other products that deserve to die, if Google would be so kind as to assist.

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“Skype? I’m John Wick and you killed my dog.”

Skype

Yes, Google doesn’t even own Skype, but anyone who’s had to take a video meeting with Skype in the last two years knows just what a hot mess Skype has become.

Do I use Skype, or Skype for Business? Or Skype for Business Plugin or Skype for Web. Oh, you only gave yourself 10 minutes to set up Skype before your meeting? Yeah, you’ll be late.

I’m not saying to kill all Skype, but let’s trim down a few to make it easier to understand. And, let’s face it, Google already tried to kill Hangouts this year, so Skype may be everyone’s last resort.

YouTube TV

Look, I love YouTube as much as the next person, but I’m not going to pay for YouTube TV, OK? So maybe you can stop with the asks for YouTube TV now. Maybe YouTube TV shouldn’t be sent to sleep with the fishes, but the pop-up that asks me what I’ve already refused 5,000 times needs to get whacked. It’ll be good company for YouTube Red and YouTube Premium

iTunes

Because iTunes.

Intel Atom-based products

Every time I fire up an Atom-based tablet like the Surface 3, I’m reminded just how slow Intel’s Atom CPUs were. Although Intel supposedly iced Atom-based SoCs in 2016, all the company actually did was give Atom a new identity and move it into a witness relocation program as Celeron N, Pentium N and Celeron J chips. They are no more deserving of life. 

Windows 10 Update Schedule

I’m the first to defend Microsoft for sustaining product support for hardware and software that Apple or Google would have long ago killed, just to see if see if they could feel something, anything at all. 

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That said, Windows 10 Update’s insensitivity to what you’re doing before it rudely interrupts makes me think it’s pathologically antisocial. Critical email? Forced update. Last 10 seconds of a game where your entire team is counting on you to be the clutch player? Forced update. 

But wait: We hear Windows 10 might be giving you more control over updates. Call off the dogs. Perhaps it deserves a second chance after all. 

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